


Zero-Sum

by ZaliaChimera



Category: Zombies Run!
Genre: Angst, Confessions, Friendship, Gen, Introspection, Medical Procedures, Mission Fic, Recovery, Sam-Centric, Survivor Guilt, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-18
Updated: 2014-09-18
Packaged: 2018-02-17 22:43:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2325842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZaliaChimera/pseuds/ZaliaChimera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's never just a win or lose situation and you can never be free of the past. Sam deals with recovery and survivor guilt. Mild spoilers for S1 and the race missions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Zero-Sum

“Hey Sam. How are you feeling?”

“Maxine! I'm good. Bored. I finished my book.”

“Really? I thought you didn't like Dan Brown.”

“I don't, but it's still better than staring at the ceiling. Or watching my blood get sucked through all of these little tubes.”

“Yeah, I can see that. Well, I'm here now, and Paula will be down soon. She's just finishing up one of her experiments.”

“Oooh, you don't sound impressed. Problem?”

“I just- I don't like her leaving her treatment to the last minute. I mean, it's great that we've got it all set up in Abel now but... it makes me nervous.”

“I know what you mean. I come down early. Don't want to risk it if something goes wrong. Power cut or equipment failure or whatever.”

“Ugh, don't. I want to enjoy the relative peace by not thinking about the worst for a while.”

“Not gonna argue with that. But _please_ tell me you brought me another book. A good one. I'll even take zombie apocalypse novels at this point. That's how bored I am.”

“Even better, Sam. Look what I have.”

“Oh my _god_! You have Pirate Fluxx!”

“Yeah. Runner One found it in a toystore in town. I thought you'd enjoy it.”

“That's brilliant. I love you.”

\----------

Just you and me again Five. I mean, not that that's strange. It's been just you and me a lot hasn't it? But first time together since, y'know...

It's alright though! I'm fine. Pretty much fine. Cold. The big cannula thing itches like hell. Maxine says it'll settle down with time so- I'm just impatient I guess.

Always have been really. I remember when I was uh- must have been ten? Eleven? Went on holiday to Cornwall and you know on TV where the kids are constantly messing around, asking if they're there yet and throwing things yeah? That was me.

I know. I know. Such a contract to my current restraint and reserved nature. I know you're surprised.

...are you nearly there yet, Five?

No, sorry. Don't- I _can_ see you Five! I won't! I'm sorry! Okay, no more terrible jokes like that, I promise.

So... oh, there's a couple of zombies started following you. They're not close but pick up the pace a bit?

\----------

“I- where am I?”

“You're in New Canton, Sam.”

“... Paula?”

“Yes. Welcome back.”

“What? I don't feel very good.”

“I'm not surprised. It's... quite a shock to the system at first, but you will adjust.”

“My- what's this? It aches.”

“Don't pick at that, Sam. It's a cannula. It makes it easier for us to- for us to treat you.”

“Treat me? What do you mean?”

“...Don't you remember what happened?”

“No. No I- There were zoms, I think. There are always zoms. And I got scratched. And I- But I'm _fine_ Paula. I'm- I'm fine! I'm alive and-”

“Sam...”

“It isn't true. Paula, please- please it can't be true.”

“I'm sorry, Sam.”

“So... so what happens now?”

\------------

You- you're okay with it, right Five? With me? 

Of course you are. It's not like anything's changed. Not really. I'm still the same. Still Sam. Yeah. Yeah, that's right.

I mean, you're cool Five. We're friends. I mean, I hope so after everything we've been through. I don't think that you'd-

It's just... it feels like something should have changed, y'know? Something like this... it's weird for things to be the same. I don't know what I was expecting. Loads of drama maybe. Which is pretty much what everyone wants to avoid these days, after everything that's happened. Can't really say I disagree. I never thought that _only_ having to deal with zombies would be restful.

Maybe I just think everything should have changed because I've changed. Does that sound as incredibly pretentious as I think it does?

Yeah, you're right. It really does sound pretentious. 

I'm not even sure what I mean. It's not like... not like I'm really any different. Not in my head. Same old Sam Yao. Same comms desk. Same tin shack. Well, it's not really. Actually has proper walls now but you know what I mean, right Five?

I'm quite glad for that actually. I get cold pretty easily now. Or not get so much as am just permanently cold? Paula says it's an effect of the treatment. Lowers core body temperature by a few degrees. It's gonna be awful in winter I bet. But Jody knitted me a hat! And some mittens. Not entirely sure why she put a string between them. I'm not that forgetful.

That was just one time Five! And you know I was sick.

Speaking of zombies, which I sort of wasn't, there's a small pack of shamblers up ahead. Might want to cut across the train tracks instead.

\----------

“It's alright Sam. You're going to be alright.”

“It- it _hurts_.”

“I know. I know. It will. But you will be fine. Maxine, can you-”

“Got it.”

“Ahhhhhhh!”

“Sam, look at me.”

“Paula? Paula I- I'm gonna die. I- don't let me turn. Please. _Please_.”

“Sam! Sam, listen to me. You are _not_ going to die. I need you to focus on me, alright?”

“I- alright?”

“Good. Hold onto my hand. Do you trust me Sam? Do you trust Maxine?”

“Y-yeah. Of course. But I-”

“Then I promise that you will be alright. This will hurt but you will live. You will go back to Abel.”

\----------

Good job. You've lost them. 

I just thought, I don't need to worry about getting sick now at least. Or about falling asleep on missions. Not that I ever would! This is me, I am a consummate professional.

...not really. I- I'm just a kid with a radio kit really. Five I-

Sorry. Sorry just... if you turn the corner you can double back over the footbridge. It looks clear.

I just- we've lost so many people, right? Good people. I mean, we have lost scientists and... and writers and mechanics. Strategists. People who could actually cope with the rigours of a university engineering degree. That kind of people.

We've lost all of them. And here I am. My parents are- but I'm still here.

All of those people who really _really_ deserved to survive. And I'm the one who- 

How come they all died but I didn't? How come- they're putting all of this energy, these resources into saving me, Five, and I- I don't- how can I deserve it, when so many people have died?

It's not _fair_ , Five! It just... it isn't fair.

What- Janine?

“Mr Yao, I've come to relieve you. I believe Doctor Myers needs to see you.”

Is that... right. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Lost track of time. Sorry

Come on home Five. 

\----------

“Sam?”

“Sorry, sorry. I've just got a tickle in my throat. Must be the dust or something.”

“Sam that doesn't sound good.”

“It's fine! I'm fine. I feel fine.”

“What happened to your leg, Sam?”

“What? Nothing ha- I- why am I bleeding, Paula?”

“Roll up your trouser leg, Sam, quickly.”

“Oh god. Oh _god_. I didn't even notice. It was so confused and I- I- Paula. I'm going to die.”


End file.
